So I haven’t given too many details about my life. But there are a few things I think I am ready to share with you. Though I do want to say this first. I hit a little milestone on here… I had 20 views of my site the other day… Small I know, but 20 people read what I had to say!
Anyway, so in my family, I am the 16th of 17 children. That’s huge I know! But it is blended. My Dad had 10 kids with his ex-wife, and my mom had 4 boys with her ex-husband. After her fourth though, she wasn’t able to have more children, but she wanted girls. 5 years after her youngest son was born, she was able to adopt 3 little girls. Me and my 2 sisters, I am the middle one of us 3. Shortly after they adopted us, my mom was finally able to leave her abusive asshole of a husband. There were so many fucked up things he had done, but none of it went through the police, he was never convicted, he was never charged,. His charismatic facade, that he put on for the public, made everyone think it was a lie.
That’s where my “little more” starts. My mom went to her bishop, even right when it started happening. My brothers went to the bishop too. But he didn’t believe them, called them liars, and told the monster what they said. So things got worse. After the divorce, because there were no convictions, he got visitation rights. My mom’s youngest boy, and us 3 girls had to see him 3 weekends a month, for 7 years. He beat the shit out of us. Well, all except my baby sister. it was a nightmare. I tried to tell people, I tried to get help, but no one believed me, no one helped. Not even the damn bishop. I got called a liar by someone who is supposed to get “guidance from God”. The nightmare, for the most part, ended when I was 9 or 10. He decided he didn’t want to see us anymore, so I didn’t see him again until I was 15, when my Dad (my step-dad) adopted me. Then the nightmare was even closer to being over. But I was always scared that I would see him by accident again. After all, he is an alumnus at the school I go to. But last month I got a call from my mom. She told me that he died a few months ago and that the nightmare was over. I laughed, like hysterically laughed. Best day of my life I think.
My point with that story is that everything was shoved under the rug with the church. They have their own agenda, and their so-called “guidance” is their own opinions. God doesn’t tell people that they have the “power to receive revelation” for anyone but yourself. My spirituality is between me and God, no one else is in the middle of that. Believing that someone, who barely knows me, doesn’t understand my life, my past, or my thoughts has the power to reveal what I need is a sham, a joke, a myth. I get tired of people who do not understand anything about how shitty the world can be, because of their rich 1% lives, telling me what God thinks of me, or what I should do.
Like when I had a member tell me that I need to do the family history for my biological family’s side. Like first of all, they are not my family. They are strangers, who put together some sperm and some eggs to create 3 children that they neglected and hurt. The member wanted me to do family history for the asshole who decided to fuck my older sister when she was 3 years old. They wanted me to do family history work for the woman who barely fed my younger sister who was only a few months old, before we were found alone, starving, and dirty. And when I said I didn’t want to know anything about them, that I didn’t want names or anything from them, I was told that I was neglecting my lineage from God.
You’re damn right I am because that shit doesn’t matter. It doesn’t do anything except trace a family through the world. My genetics don’t mean shit for my “salvation”.
So there is a lot about me, a lot about my distrust and slow realization of the sham that the Mormon church is. Their “devotion to God” is a devotion to warped understandings of the world. The position that people hold in the church means nothing, except that you are a good religious politician. And that is the truth.
I lived a Lie for Too Long 